I have been teaching yoga full-time for over 27 years now and practising for over 35 years. At first, my practice was very physical, asana-based (even though I trained in an Indian Ashram). My body aimed for the most extreme asana, but my head ignored my nervous system's response to knowing I had to stop. Then, after ten years of intense practice, I noticed my joints, especially my knees and hips, becoming very unstable. Still ignoring my body's signals to stop, I finally destabilised my knees so much they were slipping and occasionally would dislocate.
At the same time, I took a year's Diploma in pranayama, then post-grad sessions in breath work. This shifted my practice into a deeper level, and finally, my body was heard.
Then, learning about the Fascial network and neuromuscular therapy, I realised what I was doing to my body was not healthy. In fact, it was potentially harmful. So meditation came in, going beyond the body, beyond the ego, thoughts and expectations, and my practice turned completely interoceptive.
So after 20 years of teaching, my classes slowed down and allowed for a sense of freedom and grounding, giving to earth more and allowing the sensitive feedback to be heard. Everyone in my class suddenly felt more compassion for their bodies (ahimsa), an honesty and integrity to how they actually uniquely moved (satya), a subtle perseverance with continuous self-enquiry (tapas with svadhyaya) and a pure feeling of undoing old habits and experiencing a more felt-sense connection with their bodies and breath.
Asana became held by pranayama, observed with mindfulness, nurtured by meditation and framed by yama and niyama. It became a true practice, slowed down, peeled back, genuine and expressive without any aim or agenda. It became yoga.
Maybe we need to go through the layers to understand the path. Perhaps age, experience and practice all contribute to finding our way, but I do know that after 35 years, I'm still learning and enjoying the deeper levels of practice.
Victoria Adamson
Apanaveda School of Yoga
